ROLLER COASTER

STILL our lives are on a roller coaster., I wouldn't expect anything different. We are such diverse characters, I expect that we'll bounce back and fourth. It's been a challenged last 6 months. I will use profanity from here on out so please be aware, if your easily offended please do not continue reading. This is my blog and this is my voice and my place to voice my opinion.

I have learned that there are people out there who get off to get ahead with deceiving other people or their friends. They fucken suck. The great thing about that is KARMA baby! I have jumped on the coaster and gone down down down and cried and cried and cried. There are ONLY a handful of people that I can talk to that I can trust that my words won't be taken out of context or over evaluated, it's unfortunate.

On the positive side I have spent alot of time with my BFF Karla and had a fabulous time with her and her family. My husband is home and I am grateful that he is healthy and home safe. I had the privilege to spend time with my nephew and his family, getting to know them and loving on my great niece! what a great gift from GOD.

Life is fucken great compared and I'll continue to give and contribute.

New Beginnings

If you know me you know I love to work, staying home was never a plan in my life. However I have been home now for almost 2 weeks and I haven't felt better! Excluding the situation that recently occurred with my health, I have more energy and I don't sit here and stress about going back in the office the next day to deal with it all. Granted I will not be at home for long, I will have new stressors, but this time they will be different stressors. I heard all the time while I managed / supervised that it's lonely at the top, it sure the heck is. You don't make friends because you can't and you can lose friends real fast, that is certainly a true experience.

The fact remains that me leaving was probably the best decision I could of ever made not only for me but my family. My health was affected, my mental health was affected and I was so drained when I cam home my studying became not a priority and I had no energy for my daughter. Usually by this time I am crashed in bed, laundry not done, dishes left to do in the morning and I rush my daughter off to bed after the few minutes of quality time we did get. I was hitting the snooze alarm every morning and rushing to get out the house to be on time to work.

Don't get me wrong I loved what I did, the work I did I truly enjoyed. Where I was at wasn't for me anymore. That piece of myself had to change. I graduated this month with my Masters and taking a few months off to take the time to find the right company to apply my skills and education. This will also give me an opportunity to spend some true quality time with my husband upon his arrival.

The next step is to see where I am at health wise. Since this incident last week I wonder to myself what GOD is trying to tell me. Thank god it wasn't a stroke but the final diagnosis is still very scary. I should be referred to a spinal surgeon this week so we can tackle all these question we have about the hematoma on my cervical spine. Let's just hope spinal surgery is not in the future. If it is, we'll we'll deal with that too.

I have to praise our daughter kailtynn for being such a trooper through all of this. I know she was scared seeing me collapse. thank goodness for fast thinking my mom took her out of the room while I lay there on the floor and when EMT's came, I am sure she was a mess in there wondering what the heck is going on. She hasn't left my side since I came home from the hospital, she was worried.

It's time to face the fact that with losing some friends, gaining new ones, changing jobs, going to hospital by ambulance all in 2 wks time means something, I will have to be ready when that window opens. Go with the flow...

Ahh the adult son

Today I woke up feeling great. I slept so well last night. I am enjoying this 60 degree weather at night right now. Kaitlynn got some footie pj's and is soooo warm and snuggly!
Last week Max came down to be next to me while I recovered and also help me in the house while I was in this hospital. He was a fabulous help and I am very grateful that he gave up some of his time to help us. Kaitlynn just absolutely adores him so the few times that we do get to see him we appreciate.

On the flip side his my baby and he's an adult and I am not used to him being 21 and able to pick up a beer and drink and stuff. I struggle with not being able to say "umm no". It'll come in time. We are a lot alike so we butt heads sometimes but more than anything I adore my son and wish him will with any path he chooses in his life even if I don't agree with it. Max is very talented to say the least he is working on his music goals and wanting to go to a school that will enhance those skills and hopefully move on to something for a career. I won't deny that it's hard that he's not following our dreams for him but how selfish of me as a parent to hold him back from his.
We love you Max.

First day out......

WOW what a week, I have been thrown for a loop but this health issue. I did not expect this at all. It's another sign I need to take a different path, the one I was on even as it was NEW wasn't where I was suppose to be.  It's clear there is message there somewhere. I thing tomorrow I'll go to church, pray a little harder for guidance to this unforeseen path I need to be on. Shame on me for a only calling to GOD when I need him :0(
I remember last night listening to the rain as my brain slowly relaxed along with the rest of my body. I could smell the rain, one of my favorite smells reminded me of being out on the Colorado river. Not sure why but it did. As I relaxed I was thinking about a few things. Once my reunion with my best friend soon. Gosh I miss him. 2 the great people who continue to call, text and email me to make sure I am OK, if I need anything and those who just show up to check on me and my daughter. I couldn't of asked for better people in my life.
I ventured out today and ran some errands, it kicked my butt. I started getting very dizzy at my last stop, I had to stop ...go ...stop ...go the snowbirds at the commissary probably thought I was going to pass out..Lol very close I'll tell you.  Tomorrow is my next venture, I just need to get centered, equilibrium  is not leveled....hopefully I do better tomorrow.

A new Journey

It's been a wild ride the last week, huge changes in our lives. It's times like these that you really find out who are your true friends are and who really cares. I have had people who I really thought were significant in my life and turn their back on me, as shocked as I am it all makes sense.  And others who came to the rescue when I didn't even need rescuing; that means so much to me. I thank you all so much, you mean so much to me and my family. 


Even with the conscious choice I made in regards to my career it's still been hard for me not to go to a job.  I am relieved to have made this decision for so many reasons but at the same time I am not a stay at home person, I am already getting antsy.  On the health side of things I find myself WAY less hungry and WAY more busy. I am constantly cleaning something or working in the yard.  I am have returned to ZUMBA and hoping to add more exercise time in for my health.  My blood pressure has gone way down and I am not near as stress has I have been in the last 2 yrs. I am spending some fabulous time with our daughter and I am getting this house organized! WOW do we have alot of "stuff". 


My next part of our journey is to prepare for my best friend and husband's return home.  Start getting my resume out there AFTER I decide what I want to do with all this great experience and education, what direction will I be venturing in this time. 


"THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES MUST BEGIN WITH THE FIRST STEP"
                                                                                  Chinese Proverb

My head is spinning........

Have you ever had so much going on that your head just keeps spinning and spinning. Today all I wanted to do is sleep, I had a hard time getting out of bed. I think the weather is very draining, the more water I drink I think I sweat out twice as much.

Today I meet with some people who I may possibly have organize and do the ceremony next year. This is really fun to plan but it's also a little stressful even 11 months away so I really hope I can hand this over to them and I just tell them what I want and they make it happen.

Kaitlynn is calling me every day, at least once. I finally asked her, "you miss me don't you" she giggled! it was so cute. She caught a frog yesterday and let it go. She's caught big fish little fish and an eel looking thing. She has gone tubing and kayaking if you can believe that. Eli has had a little bit of opportunity to make some calls and called her so she was THRILLED to hear his voice. Kaitlynn even sent me a card that has a moose on the front crossing the street. we laughed about that card seemed like forever.

For me well I am thinking a month is way too long to be without my baby, it's dreadful being alone. Homework, laundry and work itself is keeping me busy but it's still lonely.

Fathers Day Miracle

We got to skype with Eli yesterday, that was great! Kaitlynn got to wish him a happy fathers day, I was worried she wasn't going to get that chance. Why do they always look a million times hotter over the webcam??? I mean Don't get me wrong I think my husband is smokn'....I love watching him but yesterday wow!!!! HA Anyways,

Our transition has been good, I am currently a little overwhelmed getting ready for this trip, shopping for it and shopping for everyday living. I am trying to finish up some projects Eli wasn't able to plus study, oh and work, oh and be a mom! I am in desperate need of this vacation.

I started Zumba and am on my journey to weight loss. I have until mid December and It's so far working well. I am starting to crave milk and cookies, that tells me my body is noticing the changes in my eating and exercise. Not looking to be a superstar...I am far from that but just to be healthier for myself and my family. My work week is already full, excited for My son Max to get here this thursday. He's going to be a huge help getting this stuff done and us ready for our trip. Homework time

Raising the kids..........

We as parents constantly wonder if we're making the right choices for our children, if the choices we do make, how will those impact their lives, words we say how will it make them feel. If you know me well you know what I do for a living so you know I don't just have 2 children I have over 50 children. Everyday I make decisions that will impact their lives. Decisions that will either make it for them, what am I taking away or what am I giving back. Some people says it's like playing GOD, but far from it....It's a huge responsibility and boy I'll tell you I lay in bed many nights replaying my day asking myself if my decisions were the right ones.

Tomorrow, I have to sit down with a group of teens and talk about some things that recently happened and I am struggling to figure a way to approach them. What's hard is that we've worked with these kids for awhile now, most years and they are very important to me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I want to swoop them up and protect them but I also need to empower them, I believe understanding there are consequences to one's actions good or bad.

You see we've come so far with a lot of these kids and even the slightest push will prevent them from being successful....
I guess if they walk away with one thing....I've done my job. But if they don't come back, how will I ever know....

Chapter 50 million

It's time, It's time to write again about our journey! A new chapter is starting in our lives and it'll be fun to share it here for everyone to see!

WOW It's been awhile

It's been awhile., I'm going to start posting on my blog again. This will be a nice place for me to talk about our exciting journey this year, things we've done and our plans for the summer. Hope everyone is having a great monday!