a new week

As we plan the wedding that will take off in less then 5 weeks (ahhh) I panic because the grass isn't as green as it should be for the pitter patter of my AVRAH feet and the 3 shrubs that need to be replaced haven't filled those gaps just yet in our flower bed. The next thing is to force my husband to be a part of deciding on the arch decorations because mom and I are ordering flowers tomorrow. The colors stay the same but some ideas flow in other directions which are still good to go ....but different in a lot of aspects. Women are fickle....With Eli's most respected decision we chose a fabulous arch decor ...fabulous and simple. but I think i want to add white lights and color....I believe it's going to be gorgeous.

I can see eli now staying in his corner and saying just OK OK to everything at some point in the next 5 weeks. Poor man!

I didn't get my dress to the dress maker in time so I'm must going to order it online. I love the one I recently found and just going to order the dress.

Tomorrow I go to with my mommy to order the flowers ....we're so excited!

what 1 meeting can do to a person

So tomorrow I meet with my boss for my probationary evaluation. I haven't been this nervous in a long time. I am kinda excited because I love positive feed back. I love hearing about what I need to work on because new goals in my life are developed. I am one of those person who work to meet the planned goals and say "bring on the rest". so when I did my self eval, the easiest part was figuring what I needed to work on rather then what I'm good at. Does that make sense?

I have found myself in very odd and difficult situations and have decided that just sitting back, continuing to be support, a team player is the best choice for me at this time in my career. Even though it breaks my heart to observe what happens, we're all adults there are other means to take care of situations. However, when you feel powerless and unsupported that 1 meeting can be destructive to the best of spirit.

I am now on the other end of the spectrum, being a manager can be a very stressful job, I truly can emphasize that their jobs are not easy and every day brings a new beginning, a new lesson to be learned no matter how long you've worked in any industry. As a director I felt that way and as a case manager I still feel that way. Even though each level of direction is diverse, the principle on how you hand and approach situations always makes a huge difference on the success of where you are at.

It's just unfortunate you have to stuck up bitches who just think they are gods gift and don't see what they do to other's lives. GOD help me if I ever was one of those bitches.

Facebook and it's use!

One thing that I can't deny is the craziness that comes with FACEBOOK. I definitely find myself on there way more than I should....but I will tell you what, in all honestly FACEBOOk is my escape from reality even if it's just a few minutes or once a day now....I can go to FB and post and read and laugh and push my whole day to the side for a few minutes. I guess it's my drama that I don't have to keep ....being about to walk away from that is probably the ONLY reason I continue to be a part of the wonderful social network because it's not my realistic I have to pay my bills life, I can walk away any time and I don't get calls (just a metaphor) ha!

Wow what a day

We decided sometime last week to get up and go to San Deigo Natural History Museum to see the Titanic display, today was the 100 anniversary. Kaitlynn has really been interested in learning about the incident and what really happened to the boat, she is such an engineer like her dad and her Uncle Ron. We had so much fun FINALLY able to get out and do family stuff. It was great

So I sat in the car and had thinking time because I wasn't driving this gave me time go text friends for ideas, where to find this where to find that for the wedding. By the time I got home I started feeling like a real party planner :0) Thanks everyone for your help!! We have people coming from all over, Montana, Maine, Massachusetts (M STATES) even AZ. Ha...my mom and I sat down last night and talked about decorations and decided on flowers, that was such a great moment to share with my mom. I am so blessed and grateful for my friends and family. I keep visioning in my mind the colors and everything I can't wait until it all comes together. The flower bouquet is the color scheme we're going with and our centerpeices and stuff will all resemble this bouquet. Now to start my vows...The hardest part! why doesn't the man ever worry about things like this?

We were playing with some software kaitlynn found and hubby was being funny and made me awanted poster. he's a hoot! Made me laugh!! and ONLY 2.50??????

me me and me

If you know me you know I'm going to pretty much say my piece and move on in most situations...I used to be drama many years ago (I think we all were when we were young) but the games grew tired over the years. But one thing I will tell you I will express my opinion along with questions of ponder in my blog and however it is taken....well it's on who ever is reading it. Don't consume any amount of time wondering if it's about you, you'll drive your self crazy. I've know many of people in different places over the years and girls there is only 1 click of misfits I will writ e about , they give me the most crap to think about...hahaha

Anyways enough of that....Who's drinking BEER THIS WEEKEND! Nascar Night Race Saturday!!!

Milestones and life changing events

It's never a dull moment in my life stemming from family to friends, there seems to be a never ending line of drama. But in the end you find that it all turns out for the best. You meet new people every day, you find something new out about not only yourself but your children, your significant other your parents....??? What is it in today's society that drives people to do the things they do. Why does an individual decide to be a friend one day then deceptive the next?

It was an amazing experience once where I sat at an event watching all the people who have come in and out of my life at some aspect. Some who I could really not care about, some who have touched me and some well, that's another whole blog. In the last 10 yrs my life has been a roller coaster but I can honestly say I have been true to myself and to others. These people, defiantly not. If some ONLY knew what they have said while their back is turned and I am sure I've been the topic of their conversation.

But as I left I left a bit saddened, there were some I missed laughing with, crying with. Some there were promises made to each other wondering if they were forgotten. It's too bad we've all gone in different directions in our lives that so much precious time gets set by the waste side.

Through all this I have learned to choose my friends wisely. I have learned to quickly learn who I can trust and who I can't, not only in a personal aspect but professionally also. In the last year I have come to treasure those close to me and appreciate the time and laughter we have.

After an experience in my professional life last year I grew thick skin and in some way it was bound to happen. Don't get me wrong, I am the first one to say I made a mistake and GOD only knows I have made those mistakes, but life is short. Get off your pedestal before you fall...if not, I am sure there is someone out there that just might push you off.

I had a good laugh today....the vision in my head was actually ridiculous.....

There comes a time in ones life where you have to just stop allowing people to not only effect you but to effect you enough to alter your life. There are so many mean and vindictive people out there and these last 6 months has been the biggest eye opener for me in regards to both end of the spectrum. I know I carry no guilt or shame, maybe some ..well we all make mistakes and learn by them....SOME NEVER DO. SO I have moved on to a better place in my life having my best friend home and those girlfriends I can call up and just cry and they will listen....then come and get me for a drink THOSE are who I want in my life, NOT someone who continues to manipulate people for their own good to get a free pass. Tell one person one thing and turn around and tell the other person the same thing making sure everyone is on her side. I knew the game, I knew it was being played, I just wasn't fast enough ..ha All I gotta say baby is Karma, it may not come 10 folds, but bit by bit but you in your heart of hearts knows if your really truly a good person....and if you are...do you really expect something back?

I am not perfect and I am working on my faults daily because more than anything I want to have a successful marriage and career. I haven't work on my education just to sit around and waste away watching others do the same. I am grateful for this new door that has happened and Stepping in hasn't been a problem. Happy 20012 Everyone, it's going to be such a great YEar!!!

Great shooting weekend

Even thought the weather was over cast I got some great photos and learned ALOT when it comes to the horse sport of CUTTING. I Met some great people and truely enjoyed myself. Today I was able to show each rider the photos I took and got a great amount of orders. The next event will be even better, not only for me but the outcome with their photos because I've learned alot more of what their looking at in a photo, even of themselves. I am excited to be a part of this event. The next EMCO cutting I will shoot both days.

EMCO CUTTING

Today was a great day! Great but LONG....I got some great shots...I had a ton of fun! Here are some I got....

SO MUCH CHANGE...but loving it

An exciting event this weekend this is that I have my first photo shoot EVER. After seeing some of my work (I really didn't try hard or didn't think I was doing anything special) I was asked to commit to this event for the next 3 months. I will spend 2 days taking photos and capturing moments that they may want to keep forever. I am flattered to have been invited to be a part of their memories. It's an event that is widely known in the horse community in Yuma with people traveling all the way from CA and New Mexico for this event.http://www.emcocutting.com/

I'm thinking I might have a hidden talent! :0)

So it's been a week....and I've decided that I am going to LOVE my new job. I was excited in the beginning to have a job and looking forward to the diversity but after a week of training and getting to know my colleagues I believe this is where I need to be right now. I have observed some amazing interactions and smiles on peoples faces. I am excited to be able to make a difference and at the same time experience the new environment of adult case management, maybe making a difference in their lives too.

Even though things are different in our lives, way different from JUST 3 months ago, it's believed that we are heading a different direction for different reasons. Even though there are times I may feel I'm losing faith I remind myself that everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that. That stays in my mind and I wait until that window opens when that door slams shut. Unfortunately this time I lost people in my life who mattered to me but at the same time I learned why. It's defiantly been a growing experience.

Thank GOD for you, THANK goodness for my family and those friends who have stuck by me no matter what, never judged me, let me cry on their shoulder and gave me advice even if I didn't want to hear it. You are the people I want in our lives. XOXOXO

A new day

I haven't been nervous for something in a long time. Maybe a little when Eli came home from his deployment but I think that was a butterfly omg my best friend is coming home nervous. I start a new job today and I am so excited that I'll be taking a total different path in my career. I won't be the boss, I'll have a boss; ha! which I always have had but this is different. I won't have people I have to worry about and I can focus on where I am headed more so than anything. I've stayed in the same "industry" per say so the change is not going to hurt my career history but only highlight it. So with all that being said I move forward to utilize all the skills I have gained and all the knowledge I have acquired over the years to not only to help others, but to be the best I can be in any given position. Being back and school getting a Certificate in General Psychology is PERFECT for what I'll be doing in my new position. More to come....

Becoming more healthy

With this new year I am going to be more active with an initial goal to lose 60lbs. I'm not going back to WW but will be using the WW process with portions and such. I have 6 months of zumba paid for so I'll be doing that as my cardio starting THIS WEEK. Very excited!! Anyone want to partner with me and meet occasionally at the park to walk?

ROLLER COASTER

STILL our lives are on a roller coaster., I wouldn't expect anything different. We are such diverse characters, I expect that we'll bounce back and fourth. It's been a challenged last 6 months. I will use profanity from here on out so please be aware, if your easily offended please do not continue reading. This is my blog and this is my voice and my place to voice my opinion.

I have learned that there are people out there who get off to get ahead with deceiving other people or their friends. They fucken suck. The great thing about that is KARMA baby! I have jumped on the coaster and gone down down down and cried and cried and cried. There are ONLY a handful of people that I can talk to that I can trust that my words won't be taken out of context or over evaluated, it's unfortunate.

On the positive side I have spent alot of time with my BFF Karla and had a fabulous time with her and her family. My husband is home and I am grateful that he is healthy and home safe. I had the privilege to spend time with my nephew and his family, getting to know them and loving on my great niece! what a great gift from GOD.

Life is fucken great compared and I'll continue to give and contribute.

New Beginnings

If you know me you know I love to work, staying home was never a plan in my life. However I have been home now for almost 2 weeks and I haven't felt better! Excluding the situation that recently occurred with my health, I have more energy and I don't sit here and stress about going back in the office the next day to deal with it all. Granted I will not be at home for long, I will have new stressors, but this time they will be different stressors. I heard all the time while I managed / supervised that it's lonely at the top, it sure the heck is. You don't make friends because you can't and you can lose friends real fast, that is certainly a true experience.

The fact remains that me leaving was probably the best decision I could of ever made not only for me but my family. My health was affected, my mental health was affected and I was so drained when I cam home my studying became not a priority and I had no energy for my daughter. Usually by this time I am crashed in bed, laundry not done, dishes left to do in the morning and I rush my daughter off to bed after the few minutes of quality time we did get. I was hitting the snooze alarm every morning and rushing to get out the house to be on time to work.

Don't get me wrong I loved what I did, the work I did I truly enjoyed. Where I was at wasn't for me anymore. That piece of myself had to change. I graduated this month with my Masters and taking a few months off to take the time to find the right company to apply my skills and education. This will also give me an opportunity to spend some true quality time with my husband upon his arrival.

The next step is to see where I am at health wise. Since this incident last week I wonder to myself what GOD is trying to tell me. Thank god it wasn't a stroke but the final diagnosis is still very scary. I should be referred to a spinal surgeon this week so we can tackle all these question we have about the hematoma on my cervical spine. Let's just hope spinal surgery is not in the future. If it is, we'll we'll deal with that too.

I have to praise our daughter kailtynn for being such a trooper through all of this. I know she was scared seeing me collapse. thank goodness for fast thinking my mom took her out of the room while I lay there on the floor and when EMT's came, I am sure she was a mess in there wondering what the heck is going on. She hasn't left my side since I came home from the hospital, she was worried.

It's time to face the fact that with losing some friends, gaining new ones, changing jobs, going to hospital by ambulance all in 2 wks time means something, I will have to be ready when that window opens. Go with the flow...

Ahh the adult son

Today I woke up feeling great. I slept so well last night. I am enjoying this 60 degree weather at night right now. Kaitlynn got some footie pj's and is soooo warm and snuggly!
Last week Max came down to be next to me while I recovered and also help me in the house while I was in this hospital. He was a fabulous help and I am very grateful that he gave up some of his time to help us. Kaitlynn just absolutely adores him so the few times that we do get to see him we appreciate.

On the flip side his my baby and he's an adult and I am not used to him being 21 and able to pick up a beer and drink and stuff. I struggle with not being able to say "umm no". It'll come in time. We are a lot alike so we butt heads sometimes but more than anything I adore my son and wish him will with any path he chooses in his life even if I don't agree with it. Max is very talented to say the least he is working on his music goals and wanting to go to a school that will enhance those skills and hopefully move on to something for a career. I won't deny that it's hard that he's not following our dreams for him but how selfish of me as a parent to hold him back from his.
We love you Max.

First day out......

WOW what a week, I have been thrown for a loop but this health issue. I did not expect this at all. It's another sign I need to take a different path, the one I was on even as it was NEW wasn't where I was suppose to be.  It's clear there is message there somewhere. I thing tomorrow I'll go to church, pray a little harder for guidance to this unforeseen path I need to be on. Shame on me for a only calling to GOD when I need him :0(
I remember last night listening to the rain as my brain slowly relaxed along with the rest of my body. I could smell the rain, one of my favorite smells reminded me of being out on the Colorado river. Not sure why but it did. As I relaxed I was thinking about a few things. Once my reunion with my best friend soon. Gosh I miss him. 2 the great people who continue to call, text and email me to make sure I am OK, if I need anything and those who just show up to check on me and my daughter. I couldn't of asked for better people in my life.
I ventured out today and ran some errands, it kicked my butt. I started getting very dizzy at my last stop, I had to stop ...go ...stop ...go the snowbirds at the commissary probably thought I was going to pass out..Lol very close I'll tell you.  Tomorrow is my next venture, I just need to get centered, equilibrium  is not leveled....hopefully I do better tomorrow.

A new Journey

It's been a wild ride the last week, huge changes in our lives. It's times like these that you really find out who are your true friends are and who really cares. I have had people who I really thought were significant in my life and turn their back on me, as shocked as I am it all makes sense.  And others who came to the rescue when I didn't even need rescuing; that means so much to me. I thank you all so much, you mean so much to me and my family. 


Even with the conscious choice I made in regards to my career it's still been hard for me not to go to a job.  I am relieved to have made this decision for so many reasons but at the same time I am not a stay at home person, I am already getting antsy.  On the health side of things I find myself WAY less hungry and WAY more busy. I am constantly cleaning something or working in the yard.  I am have returned to ZUMBA and hoping to add more exercise time in for my health.  My blood pressure has gone way down and I am not near as stress has I have been in the last 2 yrs. I am spending some fabulous time with our daughter and I am getting this house organized! WOW do we have alot of "stuff". 


My next part of our journey is to prepare for my best friend and husband's return home.  Start getting my resume out there AFTER I decide what I want to do with all this great experience and education, what direction will I be venturing in this time. 


"THE JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES MUST BEGIN WITH THE FIRST STEP"
                                                                                  Chinese Proverb

My head is spinning........

Have you ever had so much going on that your head just keeps spinning and spinning. Today all I wanted to do is sleep, I had a hard time getting out of bed. I think the weather is very draining, the more water I drink I think I sweat out twice as much.

Today I meet with some people who I may possibly have organize and do the ceremony next year. This is really fun to plan but it's also a little stressful even 11 months away so I really hope I can hand this over to them and I just tell them what I want and they make it happen.

Kaitlynn is calling me every day, at least once. I finally asked her, "you miss me don't you" she giggled! it was so cute. She caught a frog yesterday and let it go. She's caught big fish little fish and an eel looking thing. She has gone tubing and kayaking if you can believe that. Eli has had a little bit of opportunity to make some calls and called her so she was THRILLED to hear his voice. Kaitlynn even sent me a card that has a moose on the front crossing the street. we laughed about that card seemed like forever.

For me well I am thinking a month is way too long to be without my baby, it's dreadful being alone. Homework, laundry and work itself is keeping me busy but it's still lonely.

Fathers Day Miracle

We got to skype with Eli yesterday, that was great! Kaitlynn got to wish him a happy fathers day, I was worried she wasn't going to get that chance. Why do they always look a million times hotter over the webcam??? I mean Don't get me wrong I think my husband is smokn'....I love watching him but yesterday wow!!!! HA Anyways,

Our transition has been good, I am currently a little overwhelmed getting ready for this trip, shopping for it and shopping for everyday living. I am trying to finish up some projects Eli wasn't able to plus study, oh and work, oh and be a mom! I am in desperate need of this vacation.

I started Zumba and am on my journey to weight loss. I have until mid December and It's so far working well. I am starting to crave milk and cookies, that tells me my body is noticing the changes in my eating and exercise. Not looking to be a superstar...I am far from that but just to be healthier for myself and my family. My work week is already full, excited for My son Max to get here this thursday. He's going to be a huge help getting this stuff done and us ready for our trip. Homework time